A taste of Parenthood

   Approximately 3 months ago we were informed at Emme's 4 year check-up that she had a heart murmur. The Doctors were not concerned, reassuring & telling us how common it is. We were told to be seen back in one month to see if it would correct itself. Okay, no big deal. I was concerned at that point but encouraged by my Husband not to look into it any further than what the doctor said ( research online, family/friend advice, etc.) as there was no need to be worried about something that we were told is common.

   Fast-forward exactly 30 days and we were back at the Dr's. The murmur was still there and her Doctor started to drop some pretty scary words of what it could mean to have a murmur like "sickness related" and "improper valve". Then he left us with "but it most likely is nothing at all". I believed those words to be true as my child is one of the most active, healthy little girls I've seen, but I couldn't help but have the anxiety set in my mommy heart. We were then referred to a Pediatric Cardiologist in Santa Barbara.

   Fast-forward another 2 months of fighting with referrals, booked schedules, and insurance companies switching carriers making things 10 times harder, and you had one frazzled mom by that point. I spent hours on the phone trying to straighten out a mess that was my daughter's referral to see this specific specialist. Although it was time consuming, still the most agonizing part was the wait for the appointment date to arrive. It had now been 3 months since finding out it could be absolutely nothing at all or....not. Again, as hard as it was, I was sweetly encouraged by my husband to NOT think too much into it and to NOT research until we are diagnosed with something concrete. My parental instincts were not blowing any whistles or raising any flags either. I have an active, life-loving, kid. I prayed that I could make it to d-day without having sadness or major concern about it. I can't say it enough, but Eric was there to be my comforter when I would have a bad day about it.

   The big day has arrived and we make the trip to SB and arrive extra early. The waiting room was quiet and my youngins were rambunctious after sitting in the car for 1 1/2 hours. I was soon regretting getting there 45 min before my appointment. I knew that no matter what, we would find out soon so I was surprisingly calm. Eric was unable to come but was able to be a phone call away (which is more than what we're used to as he is studying top secret work). We were called back, Dr. Harake administered the ultra-sound, and 5 minutes later he finished his exam. 

Diagnosis: Healthy Murmur.

I didn't even know such thing existed. But it does. And it was the most glorious news I have heard since finding out I was expecting my daughters.

Apparently, it is true, it IS very common and there are two types of murmurs. The improper valve kind and the "healthy" kind.

He complemented on how well behaved she was during the exam (which she usually is, she actually LOVES going to any type of doctors office...weirdo), and we were given the green light to collect from the sticker lady then go and tell daddy the good news.

I don't know why I felt compelled to write this and so soon too, as we just arrived home 20 minutes ago. Truth is, I started writing this as a status update, but it became too much to abridge. I did not want to "sum it up".

Maybe I wanted to write this to remember that, in the last 3 months I have looked at my daughter differently. I stared a little longer, gave more words of praise of how perfect she is, sang more songs, watched more movies snuggled to the point of claustrophobia. I want to remember the nights I crawled into her bed just to hear her heartbeat and watch her sleep so peacefully, to calm my troubled heart when I had a sleepless night.

I was able to see her as a happy child, as opposed to a grumpy 4 year old that I so easily jumped to on struggled days.

Because when you think, even if it is for just one second, that something could be wrong with your child, you behave differently. Priorities are rearranged and your love for your child could make you piggy-back her across the united states if need be.

This has been my first big scare in my professional mommy career and I have no words about how incredibly thankful I am to have it cleared that yes, she is indeed, a happy, healthy, PERFECT child. My mom instincts were on point and I trusted them. I trusted the professionals and I trusted my Husband and did not let the anxiety make the situation horrible. That is a real leaf turner for me. 

I apologize to family. We did not inform you with any of this, but with the best of intentions. I hope you understand. Just know that your granddaughter, niece, rambunctious little Emmers is just fine. And that makes me one happy mama.